What is the worst time to ask your spouse a question?  Think about it for a second.  If you’re a woman you’re probably thinking, “Any time he is awake.”  If you’re a man you might be thinking, “How much trouble is this question going to get me in?”  All joking aside, I want to take you back to a good lesson I learned and we’re going to get there via Ruth 3.

As I was preparing today’s family worship guide for Ruth 3, I found verse 3 especially intriguing.  Naomi (Ruth’s widowed mother-in-law) was telling Ruth (a widow also) that it was time to move on.  Boaz was obviously interested, so Naomi told her how to go get him.  Among Naomi’s guidance was this tid-bit… wait until he has eaten to approach him.

Can you picture what would have happened in the story of Ruth if she had stormed onto the threshing floor while Boaz was busy working the barley.  Most women who have tried to talk to a man while he is busy working hard know that the conversation would not go well.  Ruth followed the advice of her mother-in-law and her timing was perfect.

This was some great advice from Naomi.  It is the same great advice that my wife and I were given in pre-marital counseling.  After my wife and I were engaged we set down with Dan Flournoy who walked us through a series of studies about marriage.  There were lots of seemingly silly questions like… who did dishes in your house growing up, who cooked, who cleaned, etc.  All those questions opened up a dialog about expectations for our marriage and how they were formed by what we experienced in the homes that we grew up in.  Pre-marital counseling is a great way for couples to avoid some of the tensions and mistakes that can occur in the first years of marriage.

There was also a lot of practical advice.  I remember specifically when Dan talked about coming home in the evening.  It can be easy for the husband to come home from work and unload all the issues of the office on his wife.  It is also pretty easy for the wife to unload all her frustrations with the children and other issues on her husband.  If the ‘homecoming’ is a time of unloading and complaining, it can make people scared to come home.

The advice that Naomi gave Ruth is the same advice that Dan passed along to us.  Greet your loved one with a hug and kiss.  Tell them how happy you are to see them, that you have missed them, and are happy they are home.  Enjoy a meal with the family and then if there are issues to be talked about find an appropriate time to bring them up.

Obviously there will be exceptions to this idea.  Sometimes we have had a disastrous day and need to talk about it before we can move on, but avoid making every day a disastrous day.  This is also something to consider in our communication during the day with phone calls and text messages.  Carefully consider the necessity and impact of your message.

Communication is a big part of a healthy marriage.  Many things will change during your marriage, including communication styles.  As children grow up, little ears will make it challenging to find time to discuss grown up matters.  Exhausted parents will have to work to find a time and place to communicate.

Andy Stanley wrote about his ‘listening chair’ in his book Choosing to Cheat.  In that short (but great) book Stanley recounts falling asleep on his wife while they were laying in bed talking.  Talk about something that will make a woman mad!  He learned to pull up a chair on her side of the bed where they could actively talk and communicate and then he could go to bed when all was said. Frequent and effective communication will make you long to be at home instead of being scared to go home.

Click image to download guide.

Ruth 3 is a great chapter that has all sorts of wonderful advice and information for us.  I know you will be blessed if you sit down with your family and take a look at this week’s family worship guide. Week 22 – Ruth & Naomi – Part 3

And on a different note… I have been running a giveaway on my site over the past week.  Up for grabs were three copies of Start by Jon Acuff.  Two active users for the site were selected by Rafflecopter – Suzanne B. and fellow blogger AspiringBlogger.  The third winner was Susan S. from Kansas!  Congrats to all who won and thanks to all who participated.  (You might want to check out AB’s latest post about the guilt associated with taking vacation time.  It’s an intriguing read.)