Welcome to the first of three weeks of posts about the internet.  This week we will look at suggestions for the family and the internet, next week is internet pornography, and the final week is cyber-bullying.  You can view all posts from the ‘Raising Good Kids’ series here.  As always, I appreciate you using the ‘share’ buttons at the bottom of the post and leaving any thoughts or questions you might have in the comments section below.

A New Technology

Almost every parent who is reading this post did not grow up with the internet as a child.  It was about 1997 when I was first introduced to the internet.  I was a college freshman and the internet was dial-up based and very rudimentary.  Fast forward to today, we can download entire movies in a matter of minutes, the internet fits in our pocket, and almost infinite amounts of information exist on the world wide web.

Why bring all this up?  Most parents today are teaching children about a life-changing technology that they have no personal reference point for as a child or teenager.  When most readers of this series were growing up we had early console games like the NES, phones that had cords, and only about 30 channels on TV.  Quite frankly we are still in the initial generations of raising children with the internet and researchers haven’t had a chance to figure out how it is going to impact us in the long run.  Parenting in the age of the internet is an entirely new challenge and opportunity.

My #1 Suggestion

Just in case you stop reading before you get to the end, my #1 suggestion is locating the computer in a high traffic area of the house.  Currently our computer is in the office area, which is not high traffic.  But our children are too young to use the computer without a parent right beside them.  We have already decided that our ‘desktop’ PC will be replaced with a Mac laptop that can be used in the kitchen area which is the hub of our house.  Visibility is your best course of action for guiding children on the internet.

Some may ask, “Why worry about physical location when there are all sorts of parental control software available?”  Let me illustrate with an example from an old roommate of mine.  Growing up he was not allowed to watch TV.  They had a TV that was brought out for special occasions but otherwise kept in the laundry room.  My roommate knew exactly how long it took to get the TV out, hook it up, and then quickly unhook it and run it back into the laundry room when he heard the garage door opener.  Kids will find a way to get around any sort of software or blocks that you put in place.  Physical proximity is a hard one to get around.

Just to be clear, I’m not talking about hovering over your children every moment they are on the computer.  Being nearby and being able to glance at the computer every now and then is a healthy inhibitor of risky behavior.  The only thing I look at on my computer that I wouldn’t want my young children to see is the news.  There should be a transparency throughout the entire family on internet activity.

The #1 Rule for the Connected Generation

I would also suggest teaching your kids the #1 rule about the internet and connected technology.  The internet does not have a delete button.  Once a photo, statement, link, etc. has been posted anywhere on the internet, there is really no way to get rid of it.  We might post a photo in a moment of indiscretion and later decide to delete it, but that photo exists somewhere out there. Maybe it is only a piece of data on a server somewhere, but there is also the possibility that someone else grabbed that image or statement and shared it somewhere else, and so it lives on.

And with our connected world, even information that we think is private should be considered publicly available.  Don’t believe me?  Consider the case of 33 year-old Hollie Toups.  Toups discovered last summer that some topless photos she had taken with a boyfriend had been leaked across several sites on the internet.  Further research revealed that the ex-boyfriend from 8 years ago was not to blame but a hacker who had stolen her files.  The images included some photos that she had taken after a shower as motivation for her fitness goals and never shared with anyone.  All of the leaked images had been photographed when she was in her mid-twenties.

Toups has been fighting legal battles with the ‘revenge porn’ sites that leaked her photos, physical address, Facebook profile, and personal email to a worldwide audience.  The site that originally posted her photos even tried to extort money from her when she requested that the photos and her information be removed.  Toups now leads a national movement against exploitation of this type, but still receives unwelcome comments in public and online.  The best rule of thumb is to consider anything that is done on a computer or mobile devices to be permanently publicly viewable.

The Best of Both Worlds

The internet offers the best of both worlds.  There are amazing things being accomplished by harnessing the power of social media.  The wealth of information that is so easily accessible is one of the great breakthroughs of our generation.  It is said that 90% of the content ever created has been created since the internet came into existence.  Along with the good there is also some bad.  Most research estimates that around 30% of all internet traffic is pornography related.

It is my personal belief that there is no way to filter, block, or limit all exposure to inappropriate content.  Filters quickly go out of date and are glitchy.  Parental software becomes incompatible in a quickly changing world of technology.  And most web browsers make it very simple to erase all traces of activity.  (I’ll talk more about some possible warning signs to look out for next week when I directly address internet pornography.)

Guiding Principles: Commendable

The internet is the clearest reason to use guiding principles that address the heart of the matter.  My wife and I use Philippians 4:8 as the statement of guiding principles for our marriage and family.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

In previous posts I have already addressed the guiding principles of true, honorable, just, pure and lovely.  Commendable can be a bit more challenging to define.  In fact, when you ask kids what these words mean it can be hard for them to find a proper expression.  Commendable is the adjective form of the verb commend which means: 1) to present or represent as being worthy of regard, confidence, kindness, etc; recommend 2) to give in charge; intrust 3) to express a good opinion of; praise.

The definition of commend should provide a fair basis for discussion about this specific guiding principle.  There is a lot of content on the internet that is commendable in one form or another, from the silly to the informative.  But a responsible parent also prepares their children for the things that are not commendable and the actions that are not commendable online.

Family Worship Series

Don’t forget our ongoing family worship series >>> Week 43 – King Ahab and Jezebel

A Final Link

I chose not to link to the Mashable.com story about Hollie Toups in the main body of this message because I did not appreciate some images that were used in the story.  For one reason or another the author used images that are barely blurred out examples of scantily clad women in his article.  Mashable.com is a reputable social media site but I question the use of these photos.  With that warning being said, here is the link to the full story – Mashable.com story about Hollie Toups