Every parent struggles with challenging decisions when raising children.  Our end goal is to raise children who will eventually leave us and build lives that are successful, happy and centered on God.  But too many of our children are struggling to transition into adulthood.  They grow up and are unsure what to do with their lives or how to get started.  In their spiritual lives they grow distant from God and stop participating in church.  How do we raise children who are motivated to launch out into the world and be leaders?

Over the weekend my wife and I took a group of college students to the University Leadership Summit at Pettijohn Springs Camp in Oklahoma.  I always enjoy this event because all of the college students are there to grow spiritually, praise God, meet new people, and encourage each other.  I spent a fair amount of the weekend thinking about what it would take for my wife and I to raise our girls so they would be the type of young women who would be at an event like this.

One obvious realization is that my wife and I must do our job at home.  Proverbs 22:6 is the often quoted verse in this context, “Train up a child in the way he should go; and even when he is old he will not depart from it.”  It’s a great verse, but often confuses me.  I’ve known so many good kids who were raised in what appear to be good homes who have left the faith.  I have come to the conclusion that we undervalue the phrase “train up” in this context.  Training a child isn’t as simple as taking them to Bible class on Sunday morning and making them stand in the corner when they do something wrong.  Training a child begins from the moment they are born and is a ceaseless process of modeling behavior, being an example, teaching and loving.

Deuteronomy 11:18-21 clearly defines the role of a parent:

18 “You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 19 You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 20 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, 21 that your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land that the LORD swore to your fathers to give them, as long as the heavens are above the earth.”

Parents must be immersed in the word so they can teach their children about God whenever and wherever they have the opportunity.  Out on errands, driving to school, transporting friends, fixing dinner, eating dinner, working around the house… any time and every time is the time to be talking about God and what He is teaching us.  Training up children isn’t letting other people teach them.  Bible class teachers, youth ministers and the preacher are there to assist in the effort but the responsibility of training is for the parent.  Training up children isn’t simply reading the Bible.  Parents are called to be a living example in word and deed, modeling at home, in public and at church what a Christian strives to be.

Training a child also involves seeing parents fail, repent and move forward.  I see it even in my young children.  Our five year old will call us out when she sees us doing something that she can’t justify in her mind.  The problem really starts when the kids get a bit older and they stop calling you out and start internalizing the contradictions they see in what you profess and how you live.  Parenting is a bit like a a reality TV show, but instead of being followed around by a camera crew you are being followed by children who are watching and learning from everything you do and say…that’s a tough audience.

Training a child happens in the home, but there is another big challenge out there.  In my years of youth ministry I have learned the importance of letting go of your children.  I fully understand the temptation to keep kids at home under a watchful eye.  But kids who have been trained need a chance to develop, they need a chance to apply what they’ve learned and they need a chance to fail when the consequences are still small.  The bonds of love and trust must be strong for parents to let go of their children.

Between the stories on the news and the posts of some of my Facebook friends it would be easy to come to the conclusion that the world is out to get my children.  I follow FreeRangeKids.com just for a daily reminder that as a society we are overreacting to many of the problems around us.  Kids have accidents, there are a few bad people out there, and there are some bad things that happen to innocent people, but we can’t shove our teenagers heads in the sand and expect them to be able to make good decisions as adults.  The vast majority of the world loves children and wants the best for them.

There is no perfect situation or solution.  God is in the business of taking the imperfect and making it perfect.  In Genesis 21:8-21 we read about Ishmael and Hagar.  If you remember your Old Testament, you know that Hagar was the maidservant that Sarah gave to Abraham to bear him an heir.  This was a customary practice in their time, but it wasn’t what God had meant when He promised an heir to Abraham.  Eventually Sarah gave birth to Isaac even though she was barren and well past her child bearing years.  Hagar and her son Ishmael, who was fathered by Abraham, were cast out of camp when tensions arose.

Hagar and Ishmael were sent into the wilderness and quickly ran out of water and food.  Hagar set her son down under a bush and then walked a few hundred yards away so she didn’t have to see her son when he died.  She lifted up her voice and cried to God.  God heard her cry and said, “What troubles you, Hagar? Fear not, for God has heard the voice of the boy where he is.  Up! Lift up the boy, and hold him fast with your hand, for I will make him into a great nation.”  They survived what appeared to be a hopeless situation.  And the words of God should not be lost, “hold him fast with your hand” is good advice for any of us.

What a great challenge parents have!  With great challenges come great blessings and opportunities for those who are striving, working and praying.  I have no doubt that God blesses parents who are trying their very best to provide the things that their children truly need.  God bless you in your efforts to raise spiritual leaders.  Want to learn more about Ishmael?  He is the subject of the family worship series this week… Week 15 – Faith of Abraham – Part 12

Thanks for reading along.  I would enjoy it if you left some of your thoughts in the comment section below.  Also, would you mind sharing this post via Facebook or Twitter using the share buttons below?  It would really help me out and enrich the conversation.